Grief and Twine

Joy and woe are woven fine        
A clothing for the soul divine        
Under every grief and pine        
Runs a joy with silken twine.

Do you think William Blake is onto something about running?

At this time of year, many teachers I know claim to die a slow and mainly meaningless death by paper. Paper cutting, editing, grading, revising and shuffling. I don't mind so much because I can't imagine doing anything else, or rather I can't imagine procrastinating the doing of anything else. In fact, I'm not much good at anything else, except for this reading and writing business...and even then. I've got the twine, for sure, and some of the joy and woe. I say now and forever, long live William Blake's "mind-forg'd manacles", but here's to getting out of that rut.

...and "through the world we safely go", with our bus pass, house keys and whatever gets us from point A to B.

Happy running or whatever it is you do when you're not thinking about it.

Running for Life

I haven't NOT posted in this long  since I started blogging several years ago. And yes. That was a double negative. And no. I won't apologize. For better or worse.

I haven't posted mainly because Paul, my husband, life partner, best friend, soul mate, whatever you want to call him, had a heart attack at age 47. Two weeks later, he had triple bypass surgery. One week after this, he's at home, recovering like the maniacal runner he is. Running is saving and has saved his life. We're convinced.
 
Let's put it to you this way.

If you're reading this, you might know that I have a kind of love hate relationship with training. I started this particular blog because I wanted to focus the writing and training on a triathlon I'd signed up for last January. Well, it turned out that the race itself (last June) was a bit of a bust: the bike rental got screwed up and I couldn't do the bike part. I was devastated in the moment, but got over it pretty quickly. I was on holidays. I was in Bali and I was with Paul. Not all bad, of course.

Ten days after I returned from this vacation, Paul wasn't feeling well. In fact, he was feeling so poorly, we cancelled doing the 20k Jazz Tune Up race here in Toronto. This is bad news as we've both run races in less than winning conditions, finishing last in at least one of the races we did together. BUT, being the unqualified nonphysicians we are, we figured that he had some sort of infection, maybe even pleurisy, but only in a worst case scenario. Walking pneumonia...something like that...whatever that is.  A few days later, Paul went to the doctor, who prescribed him some antacids and offhandedly gave him a proper referral to another doctor, saying "You might want to get a stress test or something."

Paul acted on the referral. Jesus.

Turns out that he'd had a heart attack within the previous 7-10 days and didn't know it. He was sent straight from that appointment late one Friday afternoon to the Emergency Room at Toronto Eastern Hospital. He was then moved to St. Michael's Hospital. Within two weeks,  he would have the  bypass procedure, not totally uncommon for someone his age, but pretty surprising to everyone we encountered. First question to him: Do you smoke cigarettes. We saw all kinds of people in the ER and later in the ward and post op who struggle with this addiction. As a former smoker, I understand their predicament. Thankfully, Paul has never smoked. He inherited his heart disease. For the record, the care was excellent and had we been in the U.S. we figure we'd owe about $200,000 for the hospitalization, emergency care, incidentals and oh yeah, the surgery itself. We'd probably have to declare bankruptcy because we don't actually own anything worth even a fraction of this that we could sell to pay a medical bill like that.

Anyway. This is a person who ran his first full marathon on a stress fracture and collapsed about 50 feet from the finish line. Didn't know the pain in his leg was being caused by this. Didn't know that what he thought was sweat was actually the marrow seeping out of his bone subcutaneously. I've heard the story a thousand times, and mercifully, fortunately and miraculously I will get to hear it a thousand more times, mixed in with the "I had a heart attack and didn't know it" story too.

Soundtrack Pace

This was the last song of today's run, and perhaps I should show more restraint in sharing it.

My taste in running music usually runs a little less mainstream (arguably) and a little more house, i.e. faster, louder & less lyrical. What do you listen to?

The overall training continues, but I can't seem to do split shifts on this. By the end of the day, I'm too tired and unmotivated. I work at 8:00 most days and just can't get up at 4:30 to run before teaching. I make it out most days doing some combo of running, cycling and/or swimming, and this will have to do for now. And since I'm never in contention to win and/or become professional, it's all good. The miracle, thus far,  really comes down to how my body from the waist down really hasn't had to deal with any major injuries or strains recently, considering that I'm not endowed with what anyone would call a runner's physique. I wish.

A friend recently suggested that the internal script of not calling myself a runner might have to do with my consistent lacklustre results. Maybe I'll have to commit to something. She's a pretty smart person too.

This week, though, Paul and I had great fun registering for the ING Miami Half Marathon coming up in January 2013.

Lots to do between now and then.

Happy training.

New Perspectives

Chasing Rainbows...

There is nothing quite like a sports cliché.

*putting the miles in
*getting your face wet
*taking it to the limit
*hitting the wall

Whatever.

As in training, I seem to get all of these things mixed up. Last week, for instance, my husband and I travelled for a three day weekend to Los Angeles for the Hollywood Half Marathon. I trained religiously as I always do, or as I always think I do. Something happened there, though, that forced me to examine how I do what I do. This added self-consciousness is signature for me, and practically ruined grad school and most of whatever it is that I've attempted to write over the years.

However, training requires this, I'm learning. What you think you do, versus what you actually do  seems to create a mysterious gap that manifests itself in the middle of a competition. You hit the wall. You get injured. You experience pain in new places. You don't have a very nice time, in other words.

I trained and trained for that race. And basically died there. I'm not really a sports person, but it does also seem to me that there needs to be a post game/post competition analysis and so in (after)thought,  I had a kind of Joycean epiphany, hopeless as it is, that I'd never be able to improve. It wasn't so much a conscious aha moment, but rather an overwhelming sinking feeling: you are running up the wrong hill with this training regime. I called a professional. I mean I got in touch with an old highschool friend who is basically a world-class athlete. I don't give up that easily.

A Sign on the "Walk" during the "Run"

I haven't had such a brutal finish or recovery in years. My legs ached and ached, during the race itself. And, with a two-mile uphill finish up Cahuenga hill, you'll forgive me for saying that the darn thing turned into a walkathon and that I actually felt anger. As I flew down that same hill two hours earlier, I knew exactly what was coming. Yet in a classic Breaking Away "I-am-as-good-as-the-best-without-knowing-it-talent," I really wanted to be the one to charge up and over in a moment of absolutely stunning personal victory. This did not happen. There was nothing left in me and my shame grew as finisher after finisher approached from the other direction, casually running (still!) down this same hill with their star medal in full shining glory. I had (at least) another 30 excruciating, humiliating and painful (double blistered baby toe) minutes to go. I could barely walk. I had trained for months and months. I have a blog! What the hell?

Anyway. I am persistent, though that might be the wrong word. It occurs to me that I could have a contest for a better one word description of this type of behavior.  I will dig myself out of this apparent training and perceptual rut, starting today. No bricking for the moment and I will try to train twice a day for shorter duration. I have another half (the Scotiabank Montreal) in two weeks and I will report my progress. It might be that I'm training for two very different types of events (half and sprint tri), but I'm not sure. Muscle confusion or just straight up confusion.  Remember: I am not a runner. This is what I tell myself all of the time.

* Also, got a really nice running belt, which is awesome. No more safety pins. Definitely a new beginning there.

Bricked

This little story requires a bit of a soundtrack.

A funny thing happened on the way to the pool today, especially if by "on the way" I mean two months of worrying about swimwear and appearance and getting kicked in the head and drowning. None of this has happened, of course, except maybe the worrying. The open water start for the Bali Sprint Marathon is another thing, but that's at the end of June and I have lots of anxiety time between now and then.

I wore my new freaky past-the-knee swimskin thing to the pool today for the first time. But, before I did this, I tried it on for a friend over my clothes last night. Within two minutes of prancing around in this very tight suit over my jeans and dress (you had to be there), the door bell rang...as if on cue.  I wasn't exactly ready for my "close-up" so to speak.

The person at the door was very gracious.

Me, I peeled the suit off along with a little (just a tiny bit) of my dignity. I figured if I can live through this humiliation, why not wear the darn thing at the pool. So, I did. So there. I lived to tell the tale and no one even noticed.

So much for self-absorption.

Let the bricking continue: before the 20 minute swim today, I ran for 50 minutes. I wore the skin-tight-swimming-thing under my running stuff -- felt like a girdle, though not terrible. I can live with that.

And this sign would be a relief to anyone, don't you think?

Happy training or whatever.

The Ides of March

Pre-spring training

This is what I ran past in Toronto today.

Let it spring.

I went swimming earlier this week at the Archie Dillon Sportsplex in Timmins, ON, my hometown.  I haven't lived there in decades, but during this visit to Timmins,  I reconnected with an old friend whose story and athletic abilities truly inspire. Thank you very much, Laurie.

Of course, I have a lot to learn in the next few months, and oh gawd my sore neck. Hours and hours and weeks and months are ahead of me in the pool and on the road, all in service of not getting my head kicked. I'm nervous about that open water start of the Bali Sprint Tri...though we'll be heading to Los Angeles for the Hollywood Half Marathon April 7. Let the taper (almost) begin. And begin again.

 But, swans? What a bonus.

When in doubt...

Register for a race:

Montreal Half Marathon

This race is coming up April 29 and it's good for a few reasons:

a) it doesn't start at 6:00 a.m.
b) it's local!
c) it's a great procrastination device.

Also, I miss Gil Scott Heron:

All the best.

Commitment

...a morning run full of surprises like this one:

Winter on Mount Royal: Montreal February 28, 2012

Bermuda Dreaming

Bermuda Challenge Bling 2012

I haven't given up on the blog yet. The training continues, though the winter has really settled its sorry self into the daily grind here in Montreal. I've been doing gym rat activities such as cycling, though STILL haven't gone swimming. There is some serious denial going on there, but it will happen. It will.

A few weeks ago, Paul and I visited Bermuda and signed up for this crazy three race event. We'd originally become interested after meeting Jamal Hart at the Race Expo for the Scotiabank Marathon in Toronto. At the time, we didn't know he actually worked for Bermuda's Department of Tourism. He was wonderfully inspiring at the expo and so we looked for him once we'd arrived in Bermuda. If you've been to Bermuda, you know that this is entirely possible. It's the only place I've been in the world where the public transportation is a national service.

A bus stop that we loved.

I began my conversation with Jamal by asking how he came to be the Sports Marketing Coordinator for the Bermuda.

I am a former middle distance runner who has represented Bermuda in track & field, X-country and road races overseas.
My PB in the half marathon is 1:13 and 33 minutes for the 10K

My love of Sports and Tourism has always been a part of me, so the position of Sports Marketing Coordinator was a natural fit for which I look to build upon.

What was your favorite moment of the weekend?

 

The Daily Paper's Weekend Supplement

For me the whole weekend experience was fabulous, as I got to meet so many runners from around the world. Most special was seeing persons whom I had spoken personally to at overseas expos such as the Scotia Bank Marathon and the Goodlife Fitness Toronto Marathon, about coming to Bermuda for our race.

Any advice to athletes?

Always follow your dreams and remember that if you think it you can achieve it.

       

How has the response to the Bermuda Triangle Challenge been? What's the feedback?

The Bermuda Triangle Challenge continues to grow each year and we had a record number of 400 participants this year.

Everyone that I spoke to truly enjoyed the challenge and most said that it kept them “honest” and will come back and do it again.

I am looking forward to helping to grow the event and to introduce people to my beautiful Island of Bermuda. 


*I'm looking forward to being in the sunshine again, running the Hollywood Half on Easter Weekend, but (many) miles to go before ...

One of Bermuda's Gorgeous Beaches

Until next time.

The Inaugural Entry

Okay. It's January 3rd and late into the night and early morning, I spent hours online looking at gear for training. I just ordered this suit and am hoping against hope that it isn't too small. I mean, who in God's name orders a bathing suit (or anything for that matter) without trying it on. Especially a bathing suit. The TYR Fusion Aeroback. I am sure it won't be too big.

 My theory on swimsuits has always been that there is no such thing as too big, not on me anyway. Then again, I am no competitive Olympic swimmer...plus, I figured this getup offers massive coverage. Massive and complete coverage. Also, swimming lessons wouldn't hurt. I don't want to be disingenuous here by emphasizing how naturally non/un-athletic I am.  I'm in decent physical condition. I don't want to present the the humiliation of sharing some watch-me-suffer-the-extreme-indignities of training. I want to document my progress, such as it is and may be. I don't even really talk about this with my closest friends. They don't know how I wept when I could not run a half marathon for which I had trained religiously in grotesque winter conditions: the first distance race ever for me... after I'd quit smoking (another story, one that has ended very well). Pulled calf: I've never had the injury since, though live in fear. I'll let you know how the suit works out -- a UPS truck will be delivering it in the next day or so.

My main recent training activity has been running, although I am a bit of a gym rat in less than fairweather conditions, which can be extreme in Montreal, where I currently live. I don't own a bike, but I have run over a dozen half marathons and other short distance races in the last three years. The truth is I have not improved my completion times at all. My inaugural 21K race in Toronto three years ago had a PB of 2:20, and I'm not talking peanut butter. My very first officially chip-timed race, a 10K,  resulted in what has become a PB of 1:03. Slow. I know.  Talk about peaking early and ironically, the finishing times have been going kind of downhill since then. I did cross the finish line last on a 5K fun run over fours years ago, but I thought (and still believe) that this had to do more with starting too fast, chatting as I was with the elite runner who eventually won the event.  How was I to know that this colleague (and now friend and mentor) would actually win? Oh how my arms felt like lead pipes and I couldn't breathe: a terrible sensation that I have been cautious not to repeat. You'll meet Barb, the aforementioned elite ultra marathoner and athlete, in this blog soon.

Anyway. I was the last Canadian to cross the half marathon finish line in Phuket, Thailand in last year's Run Paradise race event. Paradise indeed. And, two days ago in a New Year's Morning 10K run, in Toronto, Ontario, hosted by the Longboat Runners once again,  I found myself (last, with my husband, Paul)  behind a lovely 67 year old man who'd recovered from double hip replacement surgery.  We are in the background of all of his congratulatory finish-line photos and later had a wonderful breakfast with him. He's been running for 40 years. So this back of the pack thing isn't really new, but two days ago I almost quit the whole thing and had a kind of crisis. Why am I bothering was all I could ask myself.

I used to say that when something becomes a symbol, it's time to work on perspective. Running as metaphor...something like that.  I wasn't prepared for the symbol to become literal which seems to be happening to me.  My idea is to share something of myself as I train for my first sprint distance triathlon which will be in Jimbaran, Bali on June 24, 2012. I want to speak with other folks who are committed to training to tap into what drives them.  You'll have to believe me when I say that I am also critically aware that running faster would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to this crise d'esprit. In the meantime,  I've signed up for two other distance races: The Bermuda Race Weekend, coming up January 13-15 (...and I've registered for three events for the Bermuda Triangle Challenge - one miler/10K/half marathon) and the Hollywood Half Marathon in Los Angeles on April 7.

Despite the whining about time, believe me again when I say I'm absolutely grateful to be doing this at all. Join  me in the ups and downs. Mostly ups, I hope. Could writing change the game, even slightly?